Friends... Love them all

So, last night I had to chance to go up to the zoo to see the zoo lights. Its was lots of fun, but it was so cold. On the drive home, I got to talk to Laine for almost 2 hours. It was so amazing. He is such a great guy. The girl that gets to marry him, is going to be super lucky. It seems like he knows just what to say to help me get through the tough times. Then I drop him off at his house and before he will let me go home, he fills my windshield wiper fluid up. So great! Laine is also going to help me figure myself out. I feel like I am struggling with some stuff in my past that I want to get over, and he is going to help me with that. Amazing.

I also need to mention my best friend Keisha. We talk on the phone almost every single day. No one seems to be able to understand me as much as she. We connected almost instantly. I love her with all of my heart. She was an answer to my prayers and she helped me to get through a really bad break up. I hope that I can be there for her, like she was there for me.

Another friend is Tye. I hang out with him almost every day. Me and Tye can sit and talk for hours about nothing. Most nights it 2 am before we realize how late it is. I can tell him anything, and I would hope that he feels the same way with me. I know that if I ever need anything that Tye will be there for me, rain or shine. I know that God puts people in our lives for specific reasons, and Tye has been my rock. I don't think he will ever know how much he has helped me, and how great of an example he has been to me.

Allen is another friend that I have to mention. I have always felt like I am a strong person. But when I get around someone that I know is stronger than me... I loose it. Allen is one of those people. If I am having a bad day, and someone asks if i'm ok.. I can look at them and say yes. If Allen asks... I tear up, and I end up just giving him a huge hug, and spilling my guts. There is just something about him that evokes me to let it all out. I guess what it comes down to is I trust him so much, and I know he is so strong, that I can share that, and he will still love me all the same.

I am so eternally grateful for all of the wonderful friends that I have. There are many many more friends that I don't have time to mention, but they are all great, and they have all changed my life for the better. I love you all.

I am a priceless work of art!!

Tell me is this really worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on
When you know that he has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl, use your mind
Don't be just another dime

Because I can't take
Seeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be,
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery

She's so confused
She knows she deserves more
Someone who will love and adore her......


So, I hear this song on the radio almost daily, and it gets stuck in my head. I was singing it this morning, and I thought.. hey.. you know, this sounds a lot like what Satan does to us. He lures us in. Makes us feel like we are special, like we are spoiled. In the end, he does not want us. He merely wants to use us. In the end, we are nothing special to him. And it must be so hard for our heavenly father to watch this all happen. He loves us so much and he can see all of our potential.

We are so blessed to be able to repent and be forgiven. I owe my eternal salvation to my lord and savior. I love him more than words can describe.

A new start!

I went to bed last night in tears. Tears of joy and hope. I feel like i am finally on the right track. After 10 years of struggles and burdens and sin.. I am finally on the right track. I am working on getting them fixed, and working on changing my life for the better. And I am finally doing it the right way.
The atonement truly is the most amazing thing that has happened in the history of the world. Without it, i would be lost and I would never be able to live with my family again. And family is what it is all about!

Glutton for Punishment?? Or Blessed??

Second Chances.

Are they a good thing?

Or are they a bad thing?

I have really been thinking about this a lot lately. I know that we all make stupid mistakes. And we all do things that we really wish we had never done. And we hope and we pray that the people that were involved or that might know what we did will soon forget, and will learn how to forgive us for what we have done. But so often we are not the person who made the mistake. So many times we are on the other end of the situation. We happened to witness someone do something unsavory, or silly. Or someone did something to us that was far less than kind. And the big question is, how do we react to that. Do we forgive them? Completely forgive them? And by completely forgive, I mean, if we were placed in the same situation again, would we give them a second chance and let them prove that they have grown and changed? Or do we choose to protect ourselves and keep a part of that with us. If the same situation came up again would we stop it right from the beginning and think that we are so smart. We learned from the situation and we will never let them hurt us again. It seems to me like this is a double edged sword. If we give them a second chance, we are opening ourselves up to be hurt again. But by not giving them a second chance, we are hurting ourselves by not letting them win back what ever was lost by their actions.
Call me crazy, or call me blessed, but I try super hard to fully forgive. And yes, some times it hurts. And some times it blows up in my face. And trust me, getting hurt by the same thing, for the second time, really hurts! But its a choice that I make. Why? Because I have made mistakes. I have been mean and rude and I have done things I am ashamed of. And I want to be able to prove that I have changed. Prove that I have risen above the old me and I have made myself into something better. And all to often, I am not given that chance. And I have had times where I have been forgiven. And because of it, I have great friends and amazing memories.

So.. by giving people second chances.. Are you Glutton for punishment?? Or are you opening yourself up to be blessed?

Fun Fun Fun

Well, me and Keisha decided that since it was her last night up here that we were going to live it up. And boy did we. First we went up to studio 600. Its dance club. We got up there about 10:15. We left at one. Man my legs were tired. While at the club we met some boys and they invited us to go hang out with them afterward. We leave the club and we get pulled over. Looks like Daniel peed in the parking lot. And he got a ticket. Ha ha Daniel. After his ticket, road trip to Tooele. Super great. We get out there and we go out to this haunted hospital. So scary. I made my new friend Daniel stay super close to me. I'm sure he didn't mind though. Keisha got so scared that she started to hyperventilate. It was super great. A rush for sure. After that we went down to this rail road track and we jumped up on a train car. Its filled with little plastic beads. And you can jump down in there and lay in them. But they were way to low, so if we jumped in there, we would have been stuck. So we ditched that and went and threw rocks in the lake. After that, we were freezing, so we went over to his friends house and played x box. I check the time and its 4 am. Crap! Its 4 am and we are in Tooele. We still have to drive over an hour back to Provo. And I have to work at 8 am. Uh oh. So we leave and we get pulled over right away. Two times in one night. Wow. The officer asks for drivers licence and registration. And I ask what we did. He said that the color of the car did not match the registration. Liar! We checked. It did. But then he comes back and asks if we were out walking around, and we told him no, that we came from a friends house where we were just playing x box. So.. long story short.. at the railroad they caught us on camera. Uh oh. And we could have gotten arrested, but he could not prove it was us right then. So we were safe. Phew.
I felt like such a rebel, but in a good way. All in all, we really did not get into trouble, and I kept my nose clean. I did not do anything immoral or anything that I would have to tell the bishop about. And that makes me super happy. I can have loads of fun with out ruining my spirit.
As I sit here at work now, and its 2:45 I'm dying. I am really tired, but I think I am still running on an adrenaline rush. So, its all OK.
Life is great!

Blessed in ways I never knew I could be blessed.

Yep.. Three posts in one day. I just have so much to share, and so much that I am feeling. I was talking to my mother, and told her that my ex is dating someone new, and she said, welp, looks like you finally get a new start. And its true.

I am finally meeting with the bishop and getting everything on that end cleared up. I no longer have a chance of getting back with my ex. And I am starting school with a new major. My life is finally starting new. No more sitting around waiting for things to happen. Time to get up and get things done.

I'm so grateful for the chance to start new and to begin a new page in my life. There is no where to go but up from here. I finally feel like I'm in the right spot, at the right time. And things are going how they are supposed to be going. I just need to be strong and not slip back into the slum that I was hanging out in.

Im loved

If you could not have guessed it.. Well I got a pretty good kick in the shorts today. I found out that my ex has someone new. It really should not be that big of a deal, but it is. It sucks a big one. As I have been thinking about it, I realize that i just have to trust that the lord knows me and that everything is going to be ok. This is what my horoscope was today: Someone has to remind you of a limitation that you had completely forgotten -- but you ought to still have enough flexibility to work around it. If not, it's a good time for you to ask for help from above.

uh.. wow. Really.. thats all that can be said about a moment like that. Looks like my Heavenly Father really is trying to reach out and get in touch with me. He really does love me and he is fighting for me and trying to get me to see that he loves me. I just have to slow down enough, and realize it.

Being Alone VS Being Lonley

I found out today that there is a huge difference in being alone and being lonely. Yes, I am alone. I am not dating anyone, but I am not lonely. I have the greatest friends in the whole wide world. They are always there for me, and at the drop of a hat, they would do anything for me. I don't know what I would do with out them.

So, thank you everyone that has ever been there for me. And thank you for being my friend. You can never have to many friends.

Love you all!

Misery Loves company.

As I lean back in my chair at work and rub my belly, I laugh. Laugh because I just ate ten Mcdonalds chicken nuggets. Laugh because I also ate a cheeseburger... and mainly I laugh to stop from crying. If I keep heading down the road I am on, I am going to be a blimp. I really need to start eating healthy, but you know.. Aunt Flow is coming to visit, and im getting a cold. You could generally say that I am feeling pretty miserable. And all I needed was a big hug from some fattening food.

One happy note though... Me and Oprah are the same height, but I weigh less than her. :) She is weighing it at the big 2 o o... thats right.. 200 lbs. I know that i should not be happy about that.. but I am. I love every minute of it. Guess its true.. misery loves company.

Uhhggghh....

So, last week, I worked out, I ate fairly decently, and you know what.. Nothing. My muscles feel a little more defined, but other than that.. nothing. No weight loss, no smaller pants sizes, no compliments on how amazing it is that I actually made my lazy but work out.

Ok ok.. So I will admit that I am starting to get a cold, and I spend way to much time staying up at night watching movies with my neighbor. I need to go to bed early, and let my poor body get some rest.

In fact, I am in a state of delirium right now. That is why this is not making much sense.

Long story shot.. last week I worked out a lot and stayed up way too late. And the outcome.. my poor body is tired beyond belief and I feel like I might give up this quest to have a great body.

My Eyes

I believe that the eyes are the window to the soul. And I will admit that I am fascinated by peoples eyes. I will also admit that I am fascinated by my own eyes. I tend to try and hide my feelings, even from myself. I have become very good at tricking myself into thinking that I am perfectly OK all of the time. But, when I look into my own eyes, I can see how I truly feel. And when I look into other eyes I can tell what they are feeling. Eyes are so amazing! My goal for everyone that reads this is: Actually look people in the eyes. Especially when you are talking to them. You will be amazed at what you can learn.

When I grow up...

Good news!! I totally know what I am going to do with my life.. I am going to become a dental hygienist! And I am so excited. I start school this spring at good ol' UVU. I cant wait to get started, and honestly.. the thought of puting my fingers in other peoples mouths does not gross me out at all.. I love it.. And I am so so so excited!!

My worst fear

I have been told that when people think of me they always think of a smiling face, and someone who is always happy. But you know.. underneath this crooked smile, my heart is breaking. Somedays I just wonder why life is so hard, and why I keep pushing myself to be better. Is there really light at the end of the tunnel? Does anyone even notice that I try? If I gave up, would any one be there to help me pick up the peices of myself? I found the quote that you see above, and it fits exactally with what I have been thinking. I guess what I want more than anything right now is to have someone that I know will be there all the time. I know I will always have my family, but I am craving something else. I want a best friend. I want someone that I can share all of my secrets with. Someone that I can call at 2 in the morning and just cry to them on the phone. Someone that I can love with all of my heart, and then, to have them, love me back with all of thier heart. Like the lyrics to a Nickelback song: nobody wants to be the last one there. 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

Guess you could say that my worst fear in life is that no one will ever want me.

Your Head and your Heart

So close together but in reality so far apart

For my heart says go and never look back

My head says no, be wary and wise

For where there is love, there is always lies

Your head and your heart......

So close together, yet so far apart.

Paige 9/22/08

My Family

For my first post I am going to show off my family. They really are the greatest family in the entire world. We are all close and we all watch out for each other. Yes, I am the only daughter. I have two older brothers and two younger brothers. I am one protected girl and I love it. I also love being the middle child.

My parents are the greatest parents a person could ask for. I can honestly say that in the 22 years that I have been on the earth I have never seen my parents fight. They are the best examples to me and I don't know how I would make it with out them. I love them more than words can describe.

My oldest brother Kamrun is now 27. He has always been there for me. Any time I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there. He is pretty stubborn and he does not like to change very often. But really.. who does.

Colter is next in the family, and is 25 years old. He is engaged to the cutest girl ever, Lacee. Colter is going to become a Daddy in November and the whole family is super excited. Aybrie Allen is going to be the first grandchild. (Sorry Colter if I spelled her name wrong) :)

Lane is 18 and he is incredibly athletic. His whole life revolves around sports and what one he is going to play next, or whatever one is on TV next. Lucky for him, he is a natural. He excels at whatever sport he tries.

Darin is 13 and he is the sweetest guy ever. His future wife is going to be spoiled. He always makes sure that every one else is taken care of and good to go. But, I will admit that he is a space case and sometimes he forgets everything, including where he is going and how he is going to get there. :)

Well, that is my family. I would not trade them or change them for all of the money in the world. I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world that I get to be in their family.

I love you all!! Thanks for being so great!!