Being Stong

I once though that the meaning of being strong meant that you never needed anyone else. If you were strong then you could do anything you wanted all by yourself and no one could stop you. I would run head on in any problem that I would come up against and I would not stop until I had conquered it. I would tell no one of what I was doing or how I was struggling. I learned how to put on a smile and get the work done. Then later when I was by myself I would breakdown and let everything out. I was strong! There was nothing that I could not handle and no problem that I could not fix.

Today I learned that sometimes you are the strongest when you are not strong at all. When you have to lean on someone else, and put all of your trust in them, you’re at your best. It is far more difficult and it takes a stronger person to let go and put everything into someone else’s hands. Today I had to let go. I had to stop building walls and trust that everything was going to be ok if I was not strong. And it was. I broke down. I felt silly, I felt vulnerable, I was sorry, I was ashamed and I was not strong at all. But it took more strength to let go, then it has ever taken me to hang on.

Today I was strong.

Growing up... And there is nothing you can do abou it!

I often have felt that life went on around me, while I stayed the same, Never changing. Every once and a while, something will hit me, and I will realize that I am changing just as much as the world around me. I am growing up. One of these moments happened the first time I saw my little brother drive a car. My head spun... I did not even feel old enough to drive a car! What in the world was he doing behind the wheel? And legally too! A few months later when he called me and told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend, and he needed someone to talk to… The moment came again.

These moments seem to happen more and more the older I get. As I was putting Tye’s niece to bed the other night, I realized that I am old enough to have kids... and within the next 10 years, I would be putting my own children to bed. I was awe struck. I am so excited to be a mom. I can’t wait to hold a child in my arms, and know that it’s a part of me.

Today as I was getting ready for work, it hit me… I work a full time job. I work this job to pay for my apartment, and my truck and my bills. Only grownups have bills. Oh man… I went and grew up. It was not something that I had ever planned on. Seriously. When I was younger, I would never be able to tell my teachers what I wanted to be when I grew up… Cause I was never growing up.

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved growing up, and there are so many things that I love about my life. I would not trade my life for anyone else’s. I just can’t believe that I am old enough to drive, old enough to get married, have kids, a mortgage, a job, old enough to go to jail, buy lotto tickets… And yet, I am still so young. I still love to color, and watch Disney movies. I don’t like thunderstorms, or being alone in the dark.

Isn’t life great! Every day it goes on changing, all the while, it’s staying the same.

I woke up this morning, and I keeled up in bed... ( Yes, I say my morning prayers in bed because it is warmer!) And I started my morning prayer. I began to thank my Heavenly Father for all that I have been blessed with. "Thanks for my warm bed, thanks for letting me get rest last night. Thanks for letting me live in my apartment." And then the heater kicked on. " Thanks for the heater, and letting me have heat when its cold outside." At this point it hits me that I really don't want to go to work, I would rather stay in bed all day. But if I did not have work, how could I pay for all of my bills... "Thank you SO much for letting me have a job! And for letting me have such a nice vehicle to get to work in. Thank you for letting me get a pay check every few weeks, and thank you for letting me have a few extra dollars in my account every month so I can go and have some fun. Thanks for letting putting so many amazing people into my life." As I was thinking of all of the great people in my life, I realized that my Heavenly Father knows me better than I will ever know myself. He has put people into my life just when I needed them most, and just when they needed to be there. "Thank you for placing me into such a loving family, and for letting us all work together to help and lift each other." As I was thinking of my family and how much I love them, and how much they help me, I thought of Tye. He is my best friend. And my rock. Whenever I have a weak moment he is there to lift me and to help me through. He loves me and he helps me to see my personal value, and my potential. So I thanked my Heavenly Father for putting him in my life. And for knowing me well enough to place him in my life right at the correct time. This is when I stopped, and realized just how blessed I am. My Heavenly Father loves me more than I will ever know, I just have to be worthy to keep those blessings. And I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure that I do just that!

Its official.. Winter is dead to me!

Today was such a beautiful day. And Tye took the top and the doors off of the Jeep and I got to drive it to work. It was so great!! I am dying for it to be spring. I cannot wait to go camping and hiking and swimming.. all of the great fun outdoor activities. Oh... I am for sure going to make the most of the warm season this year!!

Stoplight Dancing!

Keisha and I decided to have a girls night. So, we bought some glow sticks and we went stoplight dancing. We would stay in the car, and just break out the glow sticks and dance. Our goal was to
make as many people laugh as possible. It was so much fun. I love that girl.

Making Cookies

So.. Last night me and Tye decided to make peanut butter cookies. We made a really old recipe... And they were not like the cookies that I usually make. And.. with the first pan.. I set my timer wrong.. so it did not go off. But we remembered they were in the oven.. we just took them about about 5 min to late. With the second pan, I took them out just a little early. So they look a little pale. And then with the third pan both me and Tye forgot that they were in the oven.. ha ha.. Those cookies were minutes away from starting on fire..

The good news is... we got a new recipe, and we made a brand new batch. They turned out great. We are going to be eating peanut cookies all week. Yummy!

Luckiest Girl in the World

I really am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world, and I truly know that my Heavenly Father has been watching out for me. Everything has worked out just the way it needed to work out. Me and my best friend Tye recently started dating. We have been best friends for about 5 months now, and we spent every night together. After I would get off of work we would hang out. And I looked forward to it every day. One night as we are laying there talking, we finally figured out that we both liked each other, and Wha-Bam.. we started dating. Its be so great! We spend every moment that we can together, and I have never had so much fun. I can truly be myself with him. He makes me laugh, and he stands up for me. Best part is.. he loves me. He knows my past, he knows what I want in the future, and he loves me for all of it. And I love him. With all of my heart. I know his past, and I love him even more for it.
He is the strongest and best guy that I have ever met and I am eternally grateful that he has come into my life.